Ok, so it’s February and it’s all about Valentine’s Day. It’s pretty run of the mill for a lot of couples; gift of flowers, maybe some naughty knickers, a dinner for two, and (if they’re not too tired/full from dinner) a brief display of said naughty knickers before they end up on the bedroom floor ; ). It’s an all too brief reminder of how your relationship started.
For me, I don’t need the over priced (but of course beautiful) roses, I just want to spend quality time with my husband. It’s special time away from the pets/house/all of the normal responsibilities for a couple of hours and it’s just the two of us.
Wait, what do you mean no gifts?
Gary Chapman, a pastor, wrote a book that was published back in the early 90’s called the 5 Love Languages. You can check it out on his website 5lovelanguages.com if you’re super interested.
My ridiculously brief summary, there are 5 main ways people want to show and receive love and affection:
- Words of Affirmation
- Acts of Service
- Quality Time
- Physical Touch
And of course, we’re all beautiful and unique snowflakes that show love differently from how we want to receive it.
If this intrigues you, you can read the whole book or jump over to the website and take the quiz. I’m a sucker for quizzes, so I did the somewhat quick questionnaire that’s primarily “do you prefer this or that?” options.
My top result was Quality Time; no phones, conversations we both participate in equally, full attention to the moment, and no distractions. I’m sure the hubby is pretty excited to save a few bucks on the flowers this year. The bottom of the list, Gifts.
According to HuffPost.com Words of Affirmation is the most preferred, followed by a tie for second of Quality Time and Acts of Service. Physical Touch was next and in the last spot was Receiving Gifts.
But, the way I want to receive love isn’t necessarily the way I enjoy showing love. By now you know I’m a crafter, so for me Gift Giving is my preferred way of showing love. Specifically giving you something that I’ve made.
Knowing how I like to receive love and affection, means I can share that with my husband to help bring us closer together. Of course it works both ways, knowing his preferred Love Language helps me give him what he needs to feel loved.
Times have changed
Ok, so a lot has changed and happened since dude-man’s book was originally published. Clairbourne Counseling wrote a blog about how the original 5 Love Languages were too centered on Christian heterosexual relationships. Which, to be fair, he is a pastor. As a result, Truity released a more encompassing list 7 Love Styles to take into consideration modern couples, like LGBTQIA+, interracial, or straight couples who do not practice traditional gender roles.
The more modern 7 Love Styles are:
Ok, so being a sucker for quizzes, I went to Truity’s website and took their quiz. (BTW, they have a bunch of quizzes!). This one took a bit longer, it was part multiple choice and part scale of 1-5 type questions.
According to this new quiz, my Modern Love Style is Activity; by a pretty decent margin. It is true that I do enjoy when my husband takes an interest in the things I like, but I think that’s apart of spending quality time together. Personally, I feel like the newer quiz is more focused on one aspect and the older quiz is more general.
It’s all fun and games
In the end, for me at least, it’s a fun way to learn a little bit more about myself, how to express myself better and be a better partner to my husband. We’re all different in so many ways and no one (or two) online quizzes can completely define who I am. Ultimately, it’s a tool that can be used help me communicate better; which is fundamental in any relationship.
But maybe this year, something a little different for your V-Day celebration would be to get to know your partner a little better through these quizzes. Might spark some deep conversations, help you get a better understanding of each other, or give y’all a good laugh if you think it misses the mark.
Picking up an old school copy of the book?
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